Fighting Loneliness
by Perceval-happyface
Summary: Ikkaku doesn't get along with many people. He has no desire for people to like him. He's just really not a peoples person. Even with those close to him, he struggles to share his feelings. Sometimes it does get painfully lonely. MatsumotoXIkkaku


**Fighting Loneliness**

There weren't too many people outside the 11th division that Ikkaku felt he could ever get along with. Actually, now saying that, there weren't many people _within _the 11th division he got along with. It wasn't that he actively hated on people. It was more that he couldn't be bothered with them.

He felt irritated by _precious _people. Any one who couldn't hold up a fight annoyed him. In his opinion, this covered a good 95% of Shinigami. They were useless like babies.

Then there were the people who actually pissed him off. There weren't actually to many of these people. But he hated nobles or anyone who lacked any form of humility and thought they were better than everyone else. People like Kuchiki who seemed to turn their nose up and act as if people from the Rukongai, as he was, were disgusting filth that shouldn't have the most absolute _pleasure _of being in his presence.

And last of all, he hated people who endlessly deceived others. There were two types of deceptive people. There were people like Ukitake, who seemed to believe everyone should be judged not by status but as the people they are. Yet Ikkaku just couldn't shake the feeling that he held himself superior to most. At least people like Kuchiki were up front about their feelings of superiority. And then there were people like Gin.

Gin was just _weird. _He looked down on everyone like they were a joke for him to manipulate. He would constantly hold that closed eyed grin of his, silently laughing. Ikkaku acknowledged that personality reading wasn't a skill he held in great measures but it certainly didn't take much to see that Gin was so obviously playing his own secretive game on the soul society. And what gave Ikkaku the shits the most was that he could too no ability hold a match light of understanding what his intentions were.

So there went 97% of the soul society he couldn't even _tolerate. _Out of the remaining 3% there was _maybe 1_% of people he could enjoy being around. Amongst these people he liked were Yumichika Ayasegawa, Kira Izuru, Renji Abarai, Shuhei Hisagi and Rangiku Matsumoto. He drank with these people on a regular basis, including tonight.

"Hey everyone~! Who wants some sake?" Matsumoto said as she slid open the door with her elbow of Kira's quarters. Everyone cheered. She held 6 bottles of sake between her fingers. Ikkaku grinned and stood up to help her put down the bottles on the small table that sat in the middle of the room.

"So what does that make... 20 bottles?" Kira asked. In a small crate by the table sat several other bottles of sake they had already attained.

"Looks like it," Renji replied scanning over the crate. Soon everyone had a bottle and sake cup to drink out of. They poured at their own pace.

"Fuck, I've needed a drink all day," Ikkaku stated as he downed a whole cup full. Soon he was feeling the pleasant relaxation the sake had induced. Over the night, after many toasts and a few bottles his body gradually became more and more numb. Everyone was laughing and cheering (except for Kira who had to leave to relieve his stomachs content a couple of times).

Eventually time reached an early hour of the morning. The group ran dry on sake, likely a good thing if they didn't want to be severely unwell in the morning. Kira, who had now recovered from earlier in the night was trying to send them out.

"Yeah yeah, we heard you Kira," Renji grumbled. Everyone stood up and stumbled out of the room.

"Good night Kiiiiraa~" Matsumoto sung. She hung onto the walls as she stepped out of the room.

Hisagi shunpoed away. Even when drunk, his reflexes and such were still excellent and admired by Ikkaku who silently admitted to not having the same control and smoothness after a couple of bottles. Renji followed Hisagi in suit, although with a bit more of a stumble in step. Ikkaku and Yumichika were about to head to the 11th division barracks when they heard a thump from behind them. They turned around and saw Matsumoto slumped onto her hands and knees. At first Ikkaku thought she was going to vomit but then he realised she had just fallen over.

"Oh! I guess I've had a bit to much to drink tonight," she said. Obviously. She was beginning to fall out of her uniform and was making no effort to cover herself. Ikkaku sighed and turned back to Yumichika.

"Go on without me. I'll take her back to her quarters," he said. Yumichika nodded and with a slight sway in his step, shunpoed in the direction of the 11th Division barracks.

Ikkaku turned around and stepped towards Matsumoto. He lowered down to her level, put an arm around her waist and lifted one of her arms around his shoulders for her to hang on. Soon they were standing. She staggered slightly.

"Come on," he urged. Matsumoto managed to balance herself slightly and he was about to shunpo when she grabbed onto the material of his hakama in a motion for him to stop.

"Ahh. Ikkaku, I can't shunpo right now," she said. He nodded. Right, she was severely drunk and a few hundred meters of shunpo would probably end in a mess.

"Fair enough," he grumbled. They started walking instead. "How much did you bloody well have to drink anyway?"

"I... I honestly can't remember. Three bottles maybe? Probably more..." she slurred. Ikkaku frowned.

They stumbled around the corner, almost bumping into a couple other lower levelled Shinigami. Like Ikkaku and Matsumoto they smelt of alcohol and other miscellaneous odours. After the initial distraction of Matsumoto's breasts they looked up at Ikkaku. A flash of fear crossed their faces and they immediately apologised for running into them. They scurried off around the corner Ikkaku and Matsumoto had just come around. Matsumoto giggled.

"People really don't like you do they?" she stated. Ikkaku grunted.

"Che. I don't care," he replied. They soon reached the doors of the Barracks but found they were closed for the night. "We're going to have to jump out. Can you manage that?"

"Yeah, I'll give it ago," she said. Ikkaku supported her waist with his other arm as well as he pushed at the ground hard, lifting them into the air. They landed on the wall at the top where he paused. She nodded for them to continue on. They stepped over the edge and soon landed on the ground. Matsumoto pushed herself away from Ikkaku and leaned up against the wall as if she was about to vomit. Instead she just rested her head against it. Ikkaku got the message that she needed to have a few minutes to gather herself.

"Why are people scared of you Ikkaku?" she asked all of a sudden. Ikkaku crossed his arms.

"I don't know. Because I'm in the 11th division I guess," he replied. The fact that he carried his zanpakutō _everywhere _and was prone to starting fights was also likely to be a limiting factor on the amount of people who weren't afraid of him. He smirked at this thought. Matsumoto pushed herself away from the wall and tried to continue walking by herself. Ikkaku watched her drunkenly sway from side to side. "You alright?"

"Yeah I think so. I'll walk it off," She said. She stumbled slightly. "Thanks for getting me this far."

He watched her take a few more steps only to see her fall over again. Ikkaku rubbed one of his temples and sighed. He stepped over to her to pick her up again.

"Shit, I'm sorry Ikkaku," she cursed quietly. Swearing wasn't usually a huge part of her vocabulary.

"Happens to everyone," he stated back, lifting her to her feet. They continued their way back to her barracks.

After a short while Matsumoto stated that she was feeling good enough to shunpo the rest of the way. She hung onto Ikkaku's shoulder with one hand and his Hakama with the other. Ikkaku pushed off the ground. Matsumoto mostly just tried to continue balancing her self, pushing with her feet when she could. Soon they arrived at her room. He set her down firmly, making sure she wouldn't lose her balance.

"Whooaaa, shunpoing feels really odd when you aren't the one initiating it," she said holding onto the wall. She swayed slightly and took a step towards him. He watched her move, not really knowing what she was doing when suddenly she place a hand on his chest and leant up to kiss him.

The kiss was quite chaste but long enough for him to take in the softness of her lips. He could taste the sake she left behind on him.

"Thank you for taking me back. Good night~!" she said. Ikkaku remained speechless and only nodded. Matsomoto smiled went into her room for the night.

He shunpoed to the 11th division barracks and found his way to his room. He went in, closing the door roughly behind himself. He unfolded his futon and lied down on it, not bothering to take off his uniform.

He didn't fall asleep straight away. For several minutes he just laid their with his eyes shut. He bought one of his hands up to his face and ran his fingers across his lips. It had been a long time since anyone kissed him. Not many people ever wanted to.

* * *

A couple of months passed. Initially Ikkaku wondered if Matsumoto would ever bring up the kiss she gave him but as it turned out she had forgotten it. That or she was pretending she hadn't remembered. Ikkaku wasn't really bothered. It was nothing kiss after all. No substance or had just shocked him because it had been so long since anyone had shown that kind of affection to him. At least thats what he was telling himself.

Today Ikkaku had been feeling quite restless. It had been so quiet lately. The hollows that usually roamed the soul society had been significantly inactive. And it was this deprivation that made his fingers itch. He wanted a fight.

He was currently lazing on one of the roofs of the 11th divisions barracks. Yumichika sat not to far away, fiddling with the feathers attached to his eyelashes. They were bored. Everyone was bored.

"Oi, Yumichika," he called out.

"Yes?" Yumichika replied.

"I want to fight," Ikkaku stated.

"No," Yumichika replied. He fluttered his eyelids, testing if the feathers had attached properly. "Go find someone else."

Ikkaku grunted. He pushed himself up onto his feet. Maybe Shuhei would be up for a fight. He was about to jump off the roof and shunpo to the 9th divisions barracks where Shuhei would be but stopped himself when one of the 1st divisions messengers appeared in front of him. The messenger bowed on one knee before reaching into his hamaka to pull out a small scroll. He handed it to Ikkaku.

"A Hollow invasion has occurred near the west side of the 68th district, south. There are two menos grandes and several other hollows. Captain Yamamoto has ordered the 11th division to immediately send a fighting squad to deal with the situation along with several members of the 10th division who are already in the area," the messenger stated, not looking Ikkaku in the eye. Yumichika stood up, now distracted from fixing his feathers. The messenger waited for Ikkaku's response. Ikkaku grinned demonically.

"Finally," he said. Yumichika smiled.

"Go ahead, Ikkaku. I'll gather some men," Yumichika said. Ikkaku tossed him the scroll. The messenger took his leave, jumping off the roof.

"Che. See ya," Ikkaku said to Yumichika.

Ikkaku summoned a Hell Moth to transport him to the area. He hoped the 10th division hadn't started fighting the Menos yet. It had been a _long _time since he fought one of those. Within minutes, he was at the battle zone.

As soon as he was on his feet he was attacked. He blocked several blows from a larger hollow with his forearm and then pulled out his zanpakutō to slice it in half. The hollow screamed in pain before it dissolved in front of him.

He took this moment after it died to quickly take in his surroundings. It was a large field that edged into a forest on the right side. The Menos weren't hard to miss. One stood right in the middle of the field, taking blows from some lower levelled shinigami like it was nothing. Every now and then he would swipe or kick at them, pushing them back. The other Menos was situated far to the left. He spotted Matsumoto running up its side, about to strike it in the head with her zampakuto in its released form, Haineko. Her zanpakutō was essentially an blade cloud that could move. Ikkaku couldn't really see it being very helpful against a menos but she was a lieutenant and a decent enough fighter so he let her be.

A shinigami officer saw him and approached him quickly.

"3rd seat Madarame," he called out. The shinigami officer had taken a blow to the head and was profoundly bleeding.

"Yes," Ikkaku replied. He frowned at the use of his last name but let it go.

"The residential part of the 68th district is in that direction. Lieutenant Matsumoto orders too us is to keep the hollows, especially the Menos, as far away from there as possible. Currently we are having trouble keeping that Menos under control..." the shinigami officer said. He raised one of his sleeves to wipe away some of the blood. Ikkaku nodded and grinned. He looked around to Matsumoto who appeared to have made progress, the Menos she was fighting was now missing its nose.

"Fantastic," he replied. He told he shinigami to send an order to everyone to keep away from the Menos and that his own team of fighters would arrive soon to assist with the exorcism of the other Hollows that were currently gathering into larger groups. He would deal with the Menos on his own. The Shinigami officer sped off in the direction of the other shinigami.

Ikkaku shunpoed to the Menos in the middle of the field. The other shinigami who were fighting it backed off completely.

"Oi! Menos, down here," Ikkaku called out. It didn't seem to hear him. Ikkaku decided to run up its side. As he did, he sliced its body with his sword. It wasn't enough to kill it, but enough to hurt it. The Menos howled in pain. It swiped at Ikkaku but he dodged it easily. He landed back on the ground in front of it.

It jumped up at it again, bounding up its body until he reached its mask. He stabbed it, creating a hole in it's face. He went on like this for a while, drawing the fight out as long as possible. From the corner of his eye he saw Yumichika and a fighting squad appear.

Suddenly, during his short distraction, the Menos had begun to summon a Cero. Ikkaku noticed just in time to get out of the way of a direct blast. Even for him that would have been potentially disastrous, especially when his zanpakutō wasn't in its released form. A bit of Cero skimmed him and a stabbing pain shot up to his shoulder. He grunted as he felt his arm move out of his shoulder socket, temporarily dislocated before he pushed it back in with his other arm. He grinned despite the pain. This was getting fun.

He jumped up and landed on the menos shoulder. He caught a glance at Matsumoto and the one she was fighting on the other side of the field. He frowned.

Matsumoto was covered in blood. He could see that even from where he was standing. A huge gash had been struck down her back, probably result of a Cero blast. She was limping as she ran up the hollow. It appeared that in the short time he was fighting, she had gotten pretty beat up. He decided to keep an eye on her while he fought his own Menos.

He kept on swinging his zanpakutō, cutting chunks of it each time. Eventually he found a chance to kill it off completely. He was behind it, jumping through the air with his sword raised. He would cut its mask from behind and hopefully exorcise it properly. But he suddenly was distracted. To the left, where Matsumoto was fighting her Menos, he saw her collapse at its feet. His chest tightened as he saw a swirl of red light gather at the mouth of the Menos Grande she had been fighting, aimed at her body. It was going to shoot a Cero at her while she had absolutely no way of defending herself. She could very well die if he didn't do something.

Instead of cutting his Menos and killing it, he landed on its head and pushed off with all his strength, sending him flying towards Matsumoto. He gritted his teeth and swore as the Menos was just about ready to fire. He released his sword, Hozukimaru, into its spear form and raised it above his head, releasing as much spiritual pressure as possible.

He landed just in time. Standing over her, he blocked the Cero. The skin and nails on his fingers started to peel off painfully at the force of it. Bits of the Cero leaked through, hitting his face and parts of his body.

Matsumoto was barely conscious. She watched Ikkaku take the hit from the Cero. She watched him protect her from what would have been her death.

"Fuck!" he shouted. He summoned enough reitsu to rebound the attack, sending the Cero back at the Menos Grande, injuring it with its own attack. Usually in these situations where he had been injured so much in a battle he was grinning. He usually found fights with such a challenge fun beyond anything else. But not this time. This time he felt nothing but anxiety and fear.

With his fingers bleeding and his entire body aching he ran up the side of the Menos and stabbed it through its head, shattering its mask and killing it. He free fell for several seconds before straightening himself up to land. As soon as he did he rushed over to Matsumoto. He leaned over, frowning.

"Oi, Matsumoto. Are you awake?" he said, shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes slightly.

"Eh... what's with the grim expression Ikkaku?" she muttered. Her eyes started to close slowly again while she began to pass out. He looked around. Everyone was in a fight. He looked back to the Menos he was fighting earlier. Yumichika was now ordering a fighting squad around to kill it. He suddenly saw Ikkaku crouching near Matsumoto. He held out his arm to wave to Ikkaku to let him know that it was being handled. Ikkaku waved back before averting his attention back to Matsumoto.

"Oi, wake up. I'm taking you to get healed, alright?" he said. He scooped his arms under her body, lifting her up. She murmured something incoherent that he took as a sign to start moving. He pushed off the ground, shunpoing to a safe area from the battle. By now the 4th division should be gathering to the area to heal those injured from the battle and to transport them back to the Seireitei.

For a few moments he wondered what he was doing. Never in his career as a shinigami has he left a fight for the sake of saving someone in trouble. He looked down at Matsumoto as he ran. Why did he feel so compelled to keep her safe?

He thought back to the time she kissed him and he suddenly resented himself. Was this a reaction he was having as result of a petty chance someone might actually _like _him despite of his violent tendencies? A chance that Matsumoto, who was considered one of the most attractive shinigami there was, was attracted to him? He admitted to himself he liked the possibility. But what _could he_ do about it?

* * *

Ikkaku ended up being taken to the 4th division barracks for healing along with Matsumoto. He didn't like this idea but after Captain Unohana arrived, he felt he couldn't resist. She was almost as scary as Kenpachi. Almost.

They bandaged his fingers and summoned a healing kido over his body. His body warmed as the light spread across him. A nervous officer patched up a large gash that had formed over his right eye. He frowned.

"You know, more people might like you if you smiled just that little bit more often."

Ikkaku turned his head in the direction of the entrance where a smug looking Yumichika leaned into the doorway. The healer backed off a bit. Ikkaku grunted. The healer smiled nervously at Yumichika, mumbled something about seeing to other patients and left. Yumichika walked towards Ikkaku.

They stayed silent. Yumichika didn't know exactly what was going on in Ikkaku's head but he knew that it would be unwise to bring it up. He would instead merely be a presence in clearly what was currently a struggle happening in Ikkaku's world. They were both after all, a pair very insensitive people, shut up in their own worlds contributed by a level of egotism that impaired them to share their sorrows. From the outside, some call it arrogance or being self-centered. Others call it loneliness.

"I need a fucking drink."

* * *

The two men sat along in Ikkaku's quarters with several bottles of sake. Ikkaku didn't bother with cups this time, drinking straight from the bottle. Yumichika watched his friend down the liquid like it was required for his immediate survival. Ikkaku glared at him.

"Change your expression. That one makes you look weak," Ikkaku stated, growling slightly. Yumichika shook his head, denying he was showing anything of the sort.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Ikkaku shouted a 'piss off' but the intruder did not leave. Instead the door was opened revealing a heavily bandaged Matsumoto. She looked terrible. For once her tits weren't hanging out of her hamaka, they were strapped in by the bandages used to protect her back. Her arms were also bandaged along with one of her ankles. She had bruising all up her neck, extending to her face that wore an expression of exhaustion.

"Hey guys. Any chance you could share a bottle or two? I could use something to drink right now," she said. Yumichika studied Ikkaku's reaction but it gave no indication of his problems. He simply nodded and held out a bottle to Matsumoto who took it gratefully, sitting down next to the two men, taking a large swig.

"Che, shouldn't you be in 4th division still?" Ikkaku said smirking. Matsumoto smiled slightly.

"Yes but I prefer not to be," she replied. She took another large sip of her Sake. "Besides, what more could they do?"

The three of them drank until their faces were warm and their lips were numbing slightly. They chatted endlessly about meaningless things but a common anxiety was felt among them. It was considered a shame when they finished their last bottle. Yumichika stood up.

"Seeing as I'm the least injured, shall I get some more?" he suggested grinning. Ikkaku nodded.

"That would be fantastic," replied Matsumoto. Yumichika left leaving Ikkaku and Matsumoto alone together. They sat in silence for several moments.

"Ikkaku?" Matsumoto said softly, looking up at her friend.

"Yeah..." he replied. He didn't make eye contact.

"Thank you for what you did, saving me," she said. Ikkaku grunted in response. Matsumoto continued, "Really, thanks. I would have died."

Ikkaku didn't respond. Instead he let her continue talking. He still didn't look at her. He couldn't bring himself to.

"I have to be honest, I don't remember much of what happened but I was surprised to hear that it was you. Yumichika told me that you left your own battle to block a Cero aimed at me," she explained. She moved closer to him and touched his arm. He finally looked up at her. She wore a concerned expression.

"You would have done the same for me," he said. He frowned. Matsumoto laughed and the next thing he knew was that she was kneeling directly in front of him resting on hand on his cheek and the other remained on his arm.

"You really should smile more often, you know. I like it when you are grinning about something," she said followed by her leaning in, kissing him deeply. He recovered quickly from his moment of shock and he responded by placing one hand on her waist, pulling her closer to him. She grunted in pain. Ikkaku then handled her more carefully.

In the meantime Yumichika had returned. He had deliberately taken his time although even he was surprised at he pace of which things had moved between Matsumoto and Ikkaku. He quietly opened the door slightly and saw the two tightly embraced. Staying outside, he shut the door silently. He smiled to himself, amused at the scene that had unfolded. He was glad.

Ikkaku and Matsumoto broke apart. Ikkaku grinned, Matsumoto taking this as a sign for them to continue. She would stay the night.

* * *

Ikkaku wasn't silly. He knew what the shared that night wasn't the start of a relationship. It certainly wasn't an admittance of love. It was a drunken fight against loneliness, a feeling of which he realised they both shared.

They didn't bring up what they did with anyone else, let alone each other. They continued to do what they usually did. They drank with each other and their friends. They laughed at Kira when he had so much he started frothing at the mouth or when Renji would over emotionally state he had met another milestone in his training and would go out and get another tattoo. Once many years later Yumichika tried hinting at the question of what was on between him and Matsumoto but Ikkaku pretended to be oblivious. He, after all, was not into regularly sharing his feelings with others.

Although that's not to say that he and Matsumoto didn't repeat the event of what happened that night. However, It was well established that neither of them could handle that level of ongoing intimacy steadily with each other. Ikkaku himself wasn't a person who could take that label of being in a relationship without feeling a certain weakness that betrayed him in his work as a shinigami. That and his personality was just far too unstable. Also, as it turned out Matsumoto, although she never elaborated on whom it was, had plans for other people.

Ikkaku didn't mind. He still liked that there was someone out of the so many that he hated or looked down on who he could trust to share a night with every once in a while without a care.

He honestly felt less lonely.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading. I realise this is a bit of an obscure pairing and I'm fairly certain there aren't many fanfictions written for these two. For this reason I'm not actually expecting many readers but for those of you who have I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Recently I've been going through a few of the fanfictions I have saved on my computer and I've been trying to finish them. This one was intended to be an extended fanficiton but I've tried to tie it up into a cute little oneshot. :D**


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